Lately I’ve been feeling some guilt about what I want to do with my life. Is it wrong to do something that isn’t necessary to the survival of society? I’m still not totally sure what I want to do, but let’s assume I’ll be going into fashion design for a moment. It’s necessary for the evolution of society, to be sure. For the people of America to be constantly growing and thriving, you need a person or group of people to direct change. All sorts of cultural influences play a role- fashion, art, music, food. Media. But none of these things have anything to do with the survival of a species. You can fight me on this all you want, you Triangular Hipster Indie Core Tumblrers, but if the music stopped, your heart would keep beating. We would continue as a species if the art went away, whether we would be a People or not.

I picture myself married to a man of faith. I’ll bring this as far as a clergyman, to prove my point. Let’s say I’m married  to a preacher with a small parish somewhere rural, and we live a happy little life in a happy little house, and we have two small children and a cat. And a goldfish. Can I be a fashion designer then? Something about being part of Culture and not of Substance seems wrong, when I’m married to a clergyman. But I want to live as if I’m married to a clergyman, regardless my actual marital situation. So does that make being in fashion design fundamentally wrong? There are so many jobs that aren’t necessary to our survival… are they all wrong? Musicians? Artists? Actors? How will I use this gift to serve my God?

And don’t get me wrong, I understand not everyone is called to be a Minister. Not everyone will be a missionary. There are many parts in a body of faith: we aren’t all eyes, we aren’t all hands. But what does that make me? I am the Appendix of the Body of Faith. As a Fashion Designer, I am serving a cultural purpose, which is against God’s will half the time, from what I’ve seen.

I talked to my mom about this a little. We talked about how I could be a part of the body for the church, like teach sunday school, or do some other helping job. I could even use my talents and make costumes for kids’ plays, or something.

So perhaps not totally useless.

Just somewhat discouraging.

I’m just not sure I can justify doing something like that. It seems selfish.

TL;DR.

I know.

It’s okay.